Henrietta
by musicalexpert
Summary: Lisa gets a frantic call from her cousin about their Grandma Henrietta, but it's not what you are expecting. Meant to be a funny one-shot. Rating for language.


**So I had this idea in my head for a while now. While I was **_**finally **_**starting to write RFTGP, I had massive writers block. Go figure. Then this song started playing on my iTunes and to pass the time I started writing this. This was originally supposed to be in RFTGP, but I could not find a place to put it. **

**It is based off of the song **_**Henrietta **_**by The Fratellis…which I state a lot in this fanfic. .. whatever. Listen to it. It is beautiful. **

**Don't worry. I am getting right on RFTGP. It will hopefully be up in a couple of days. **

**This takes place between the rape and the Red Eye flight. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that The Fratellis have made and the same goes for Wes Craven and Bravo. I also really have no right bringing MGMT into this other than that I love them. I also don't own **_**Batman Begins. **_**(I put way to many pop culture references in this). So leave me alone. **

**Enjoy!**

It was a stormy afternoon out in the city of Miami and it suited Lisa just fine. It was her day off and all she wanted to do was veg out in front of the TV watching re-runs of _Top Chef. _ It was then that her phone started ringing.

"It better not be the Lux," she whispered to herself. There was no way she was going into work today especially seeing that she was wearing her favorite sweats. Luckily it wasn't. The named flashed VIVIAN. It was her music loving cousin who lived in Texas with the rest of her mother's side of the family.

"Hello," said Lisa cheerfully thankful she wasn't being bothered by work on her day off.

"Ohmygee, I'm freaking out right now and I mean at a major level." That was so like her to skip any formal greeting and get straight down to business. Viv was 22 years old with hair much like Lisa's only it was more red and short. If she was older, people would think that she and Lisa were twins. At the current moment she went to a college for the arts in Austin majoring in music. Her band was slowly getting more and more popular.

"What's the matter Viv?" asked Lisa worried that something might be wrong.

"I think that grandma Henrietta is cooler than me. I'm a guitarist in a band and I'm fairly certain that she is way cooler than me. This is terrible!"

Lisa rolled her eyes. Was she really calling about something like that? She was missing one of her favorite Quick Fires because Grandma Henrietta might be cooler then Vivian. Viv once told her that Grandma Henrietta was cooler then Lisa, herself. Who could blame her though? Her favorite day involves unhealthy amounts of Bravo TV. Ugh, family.

"Why would you think that?" Lisa was trying to be as patient as possible.

"Well remember when Grandma went back to Scotland in 2004 and she came back with all those stories from her going to bars?"

"Yeah." Grandma Henrietta was a rambunctious one. Even at her old age she could still manage to keep up-to-date with everything going around her. She still drank as much alcohol as she did back in her youth and traveled to Scotland to visit friends. But now in her later days Vivian's mother forced her to live with them so they could keep an eye on her drinking. Yup, definitely cooler then Lisa.

"So, I'm home for the weekend and I was listening to The Fratellis, one of the best bands out there even though they are currently not together." The latter part of that sentence was said in anger. "They are from Scotland, ok? Right? Nothing unusual about that! So I'm jamming out to one of their best songs, _Henrietta. _Again who cares? So what if it is the same name as my grandma? I bet there are plenty of grandmas out there named Chelsea like in _Chelsea Dagger _or straight-up Stacy-Ann. So the song ends, and I notice her standing there with a faint smile on her face. So I'm like 'WTF? Creeper why are you watching me?' then she sighs. She gives me a look. I have NO FREAKING IDEA what this look is, but she slowly turns to leave and whispers 'those boys.'

"Now I'm thinking, 'Those boys? WTF is she talking about?' But it slowly was being to resonate in my brain. _Henrietta _is a song about The Fratellis wanting to do an older, married woman even though other, younger girls are dying over them (such as myself)."

"So, you think that the song _Henrietta _is about our Grandmother and that would make her cooler then you?" Lisa had to hold in her eye roll this time. Did it really matter?

"Fuck yeah!" Lisa winced. She hated swearing. "The Fratellis are the SHIT. It all fits. The song was on their 2006 CD _Costello Music_ which means they had plenty of time to write the song after they met her. The band was just starting then meaning they were playing at bars. They are from Glasgow which is where she went and you know what a flirt she is! So here I am, going through her stuff, trying to find some trace of The Fratellis. Well, actually, rights now I'm outside in a place where she would not be able to her me speak to you."

"Really, Viv, I don't think that it's that big of a deal. Besides, I highly doubt that it is about our Grandmother."

"Ok then let's say that it isn't about her. It would still make her cooler than me!"

"How so?"

"LOOK AT ME! Or more like LISTEN TO ME! I'm going crazy trying to find out if she knows them. I'm absolutely insane. It's all I've been able to think about is the correlation to her and The Fratellis. What if she… What if she met Jon Fratelli? Jon Fratelli! He's like my perfect guy (along with that one dude who played the Scarecrow in _Batman Begins)_! And Grandma might have met him. SEE! See what she's done to me!"

"So what you're saying is that if she did meet them, then she is cooler then you because they wrote a song after her? If she didn't meet them, then she just pulled the biggest prank on you ever imaginable?"

Vivian whimpered on the other line. Lisa was not certain that they were fake tears.

"Well then Viv, I have to say 'Welcome to the club' because either way she got you good."

Lisa was certain that those tears were real.

"Well is it that bad that she is cooler then you?"

"Yes! It's terrible. I'm the cool one in the family. I'm the one with the band. I'm the one who managed to get Andrew effing Vanwyrngarden and Ben of MGMT to listen to one of my band's demos. I'm the one who's going to be rich and famous from her music. Grandma Henrietta is taking it all away from me. … My life sucks now. Listen! Listen to these lyrics;

Dear Henrietta we're just three lonely boys  
Though the girls love us we're so  
Into you incredibly we'd love to see you terribly  
We'd love to hate you but we don 't have no choice  
Come be our wa ha ha ha  
Honey, honey three four onetime once more

Give us a kiss and maybe we can go out  
It's hard to miss you when you follow us about  
Buy us some shoes and maybe take us for cola  
We'll get you there in some filthy big gondola."

Pause.

"This is so about Grandma," sighed Vivian.

"Vivian Ann Lawler, you listen to me. You are one of most ambitious person that I will ever know. You will get your fame and success because you work hard and have a great band that everyone loves. Didn't you say that those boys from… from the Management band or whatever loved your demo?"

"MGMT. Get it right girl, but yes ANDREW VANWYRNGARDEN (who is btw waaaaaayyy hotter than Jon) told me he loved it."

"See, that is way cooler then-"

"No it isn't! If Andrew or Ben wrote a song about me, _then_ I would be cooler then her. She either has a song written about her or pulled the best prank ever. She is cooler than me. Yup, she is. DAMN IT!"

"Viv you need to get back to your dorm, work on your music and not think about it."

"You're right. That only way I'm going to be cooler than her is if I get my own record deal, go on tour and get famous. I have to do it for the sake of my humanity! Bye Lisa thanks for the encouraging words."

And with that, she hung up.

Lisa put down her phone, shrugged and went back to watching _Top Chef. _What a strange family she had.

**Yup, this is a very strange one-shot that I had to write. It's been bothering me every time I listen to this song (which is a lot). Let me know what you think!**

**Kudos if you found my other Fratellis reference in here. I'll give you a clue it's not **_**Stacy Ann**_** or **_**Chelsea Dagger.**_

**Another disclaimer: I don't have a beta! I make a lot of grammatical errors. I'm sorry if they bugged you. **

**Comments please. **


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